~LoserPixie

there have been a lot of things on my mind lately...unfortunately most of those things revolve around office max and how absolutely miserable i feel when i am there...i dont ever want to end up in a retail job EVER AGAIN...when i graduate from college i ABSOLUTELY REFUSE...it just seems like such a sad place to be...

i also have decided that i tend to have more empathy for inanimate objects than i do for living creatures...which is unfortunate seeing as how im a human being... i mean...at office max i have to refill empty ink cartridges for printers...i just learned to do it this past week...and i dont know i think i feel more like an empty ink cartridge and i understand more where its coming from than my own best friend...i mean...some of them come in to the store all used up and empty...i know that feeling...some come in because all the ink got dried up in them and no one used them...been there...and some the owner just wasnt even sure about and brought it in anyway...yep...that one too...and i dont know...the whole process of like testing and weighing and cleaning sealing...and then you stick a needle in it and put it in a box with a vacuum seal (i think i spelled it like the animal) and i think thats when i feel the most bad...because...it must feel terrible in there...probably similar to the way i feel most of the time and definitely have been feeling lately...like youre just stuck and shrinking and with all this pressure and stress that you cant escape...yeah...i dont know weird

on top of that i dont think ive completely 100% gotten over being ill up at school...my ears have still been hurting and its gotten absolutely TERRIBLE this weekend...plus ive felt like im on the verge of a bloody nose for almost an entire month...just this despicable pressure and tingling in my sinuses

and on top of all that there is a boy...but when isnt there? gr...i just hate how i cant truly enjoy anything ever because im so fixated on the future...i need to learn to better absorb the present instead of using it as a vessel to shape what may or may not happen later...the may not happen being the most worrisome and will probably be the hardest to get over

summer...on the whole however...is going swimmingly though there has been no swimming (yet) but lots of sun...and happy times

i do miss school though...i just hate papers and homework and...iowa...cant i just go to class...learn things...and then go be with friends?

...gah...im too lofty in my ideals...